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Menandtheirtools!

Hammer-Inancienttimesahammerwasusedtoinflictpainonone'senemies.Modernhammersareusedtoinflictpainononeself.

Screwdriver-Thedrinkorderedatthelocalbarafteryoucallinaprofessionalrepairmantoundothe$500indamageyoudidwhiletryingtochangeoutalightsocketwithyourhandyscrewdriver.

PhillipsScrewdriver-Thebardrinkthatyouorderwhenthedamageestimateisover$1,000.Containstwicethevodka.

Pliers-Adeviceusedtoextendyourreachthenecessaryfewincheswhenyoudropaone-of-a-kindscrewdownbehindthenewwallittookyoutwoweekstoinstall.

Multi-Pliers-Containahandyassortmentofsharpanddangeroustools.Bestleftinit'sleathersheathandwornonahomeowner'sbelttoincreasetestosteronelevels.

ElectronicStudFinder-Anannoyingdevicethatnevergoesoffwhenyoupointitatyourself.

HalogenLight-Aworklightthatlightsupyourbackyardwiththeincandescenceofafootballstadium,causingyoutocastaheavyshadowovertheareayou'reworkingonsothatyouneedtouseaflashlightanyway.

CordlessDrill-Adevicethatlessensyourchanceofelectrocution90%overastandardplug-intool.

CordlessTelephone-Thehandyman's911.

AirCompressor-Amechanicaldevicesimilarinprincipaltoharnessingthepowerofyourmother-in-law'snaggingcomplaintsandusingtheresultingairflowtoblastoldpaintoffthesideofthehouse.

Chainsaw-Allowsyoutocutyourwayoutoftheshedthatyouaccidentallybuiltcompletelyaroundyourself.
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