Beautyisintheeyeofthebeerholder...
Hornbroken.Watchforfinger
NoMatterWhereYouGo,ThereYouAre.
Hewholaughslastthinksslowest.
Everstoptothinkandforgettostartagain?
EatWell,StayFit,DieAnyway.
Yourkidmaybeanhonorsstudent,butyou'restillanidiot.
MyChildCanBeatUpYourHonorStudent.
Coverme.I'mchanginglanes.
StampOutCrime-AbolishtheIRS
I'mnotasthinkasyoudrunkIam.
Lottery:Ataxonpeoplewhoarebadatmath.
DaretokeeptheCIAoffDrugs.
ForgettheWhales,SavetheCowboy.
OldSkiersNeverDie.TheyJustgoDownhill.
MoneyIsn'tEverything,ButitSureKeepstheKidsInTouch.
HappinessistheBallintheFairway.
IbrakeforHallucinations.
Benicetoyourkids.They'llchooseyournursinghome.
Idon'tsufferfrominsanity,Ienjoyeveryminuteofit.
Makeitidiot-proofandsomeonewillmakeabetteridiot
Alwaysrememberyou'reunique,justlikeeveryoneelse.
Illiterate?CallThisNumberforHelp...
WelcometoColorado-NowGoHome
Smile-ItsTheSecondBestThingyoucandowithYourLips.
TellinganOldPersonHe'sUselessisAbortionontheOtherEnd
AskFirstIfTheAnimalWantsToBeKilled
YourMother'sChoicewasPro-Life.[Waah...]
ThisVehicleSwervesandHitsPedestriansatRandom
Gunsmaykill,butImaim.
Lifeisjustlikeabar.
Lastcallcomestosoon.
Tailgaterswillbeshot.
Ifyoudon'tlikemydrivingthenhonk,andwaitforgunshots.
Don'taskwhatyourcustomerscandoforyou,askhowmuchyoucantakethemfor.
DrunkNRAMemberOnBoard.
Ifyoucanreadthis..*SCREECH*thenexpectacallfrommylawyer.
Thosewhoremembertheirweekenddon'tpartyenough.
Ialwaysbeginanewweekthesame.Thedetoxguysevenknowmebyname!
Ialwaysbeginanewweekthesame.Bysayinghellotothedetoxguards.
Guncontrolishittin'whatyoushootat!
WELCOMETONEWHAMPSHIRE,NOWLEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It'sNothingDuct-TapeWon'tFix!
Mydogateyourhonorstudent!
Don'tsteal,thegovernmenthatescompetition!
WATCHOUT!Thereisablonddriving.
I'mnotspeedingofficeri'mjustdrivingmycar.
I'mnotfollowingtoclose...itiscalledDrafting
Nexttimewaveallyourfingersatme!
Livelongenoughtobecomeaproblemtoyourkids.
IwouldratherpushaChevythandriveaFord.
Wifeanddogmissing!!Rewardfordog.
Ifgodpaidforoursins,letsgetourmoniesworth!
Heavensscaredofme,andhellthinksI'lltakeover.
Ifyoucanreadthisyou'reTOOclose.
Rosesarered,violetsareblue,I'mschizophrenic,andsoamI.
Loveisgrand...divorceistwentygrand
I'minnoshapetoexercise!
Ifitsnotonethingitsyourmother!
Loveyourneighbor,butdon'tgetcaught!
Iamavirgin(thisisanoldsticker)
Ifyoudosomethingyou'llregretinthemorning...SLEEPTILLNOON!
Don'tdrinkanddriveyoumayhitabumpandspillyourdrink.
EatCanadianlamb...40,000coyotescantbewrong!
Individualistsoftheworld-UNITE!
Don'tbehumble--yournotthatgreat.
Igaveupdrinkingsmokingandsex!thatwastheworst15minutesofmylife.
Illiterate?writeforfreehelp.
Mylawyercanbeatupyourlawyer.
Mymothertoldmetobegood...butshe'sbeenwrongbefore.
Yes,asamaterof
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