Smearpeanutbutteronthesofaandcurtains.Placeafishstickbehindthecouchandleaveitthereallsummer.
TOYTEST
Obtaina55-gallonboxofLegos(oryoumaysubstituteroofingtacks).Haveafriendspreadthemalloverthehouse.Putonablindfold.Trytowalktothebathroomorkitchen.Donotscreambecausethiswouldwakeachildatnight.
GROCERYSTORETEST
Borrowoneortwosmallanimals(goatsarebest)andtakethemwithyouasyoushop.Alwayskeeptheminsightandpayforanythingtheyeatordamage.
DRESSINGTEST
Obtainonelarge,unhappy,liveoctopus.Stuffintoasmallnetbagmakingsurethatallthearmsstayinside.
FEEDINGTEST
Obtainalargeplasticmilkjug.Fillhalfwaywithwater.Suspendfromtheceilingwithacord.Startthejugswinging.Trytoinsertspoonfulsofsoggycerealintothemouthofthejug,whilepretendingtobeanairplane.Nowdumpthecontentsofthejugonthefloor.
NIGHTTEST
Preparebyobtainingasmallclothbagandfillitwith8-12poundsofsand.Soakitthoroughlyinwater.At3:00p.m.,begintowaltzandhumwiththebaguntil9:00p.m.Laydownyourbagandsetyouralarmfor10:00p.m.Getup,pickupyourbag,andsingeverysongyouhaveeverheard.Makeupaboutadozenmoreandsingthesetoountil4:00a.m.Setalarmfor5:00a.m.Getupandmakebreakfast.Keepthisupfor5years.Lookcheerful.
INGENUITYTEST
Takeaneggcarton.Usingapairofscissorsandpotofpaint,turnitintoanalligator.NowtakeatoiletpapertubeandturnitintoanattractiveChristmascandle.Useonlyscotchtapeandapieceoffoil.Last,takeamilkcarton,aping-pongball,andanemptyboxofCocoaPuffs.MakeanexactreplicaoftheEiffelTower.
AUTOMOBILETEST
ForgettheBMWandbuyastationwagon.Buyachocolateicecreamconeandputitintheglovecompartment.Leaveitthere.Getadime.Stickitintothecassetteplayer.Takeafamilysizepackageofchocolatechipcookies.Mashthemintothebackseat.Runagardenrakealongbothsidesofthecar.There,perfect.
PHYSICALTEST(Women)
Obtainalargebeanbagchairandattachittothefrontofyourclothes.Leaveittherefor9months.Nowremove10ofthebeans.Andtrynottonoticeyourclosetfullofclothes.Youwon'tbewearingthemforawhile.
PHYSICALTEST(Men)
Gotothenearestdrugstore.Setyourwalletonthecounter.Asktheclerktohelphimself.Nowproceedtothenearestfoodstore.Gototheheadofficeandarrangeforyourpaychecktobedirectlydepositedtothestore.Purchaseanewspaper.Gohomeandreaditquietlyforthelasttime.
FINALASSIGNMENT
Findacouplewhoalreadyhaveasmallchild.Lecturethemonhowtheycanimprovetheirdiscipline,patience,tolerance,toilettrainingandchild'stablemanners.Suggestmanywaystheycanimprove.Emphasizetothemthattheyshouldneverallowtheirchildrentorunwild.Enjoythisexperience.Itwillbethelasttimeyouwillhavealltheanswers.
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